Like most millennial children, my parents regarded me as if I was some sort of prodigy. To them, the fact that I had a poem published in a local magazine at seven years old was a clear sign they were raising the next Sylvia Plath. (Spoiler alert: they weren’t).
So yep, it took me a long time to realize I wasn't actually special. And when I did, I found myself caught in a cycle of blame – questioning if I hadn't tried hard enough or if my parents had blown things out of proportion (which, I understand now, they often do).
Do you know how many times I dreamed about going back in time and correcting that *tiny* moment where I supposedly lost my specialness? Uh. So many. Even after seeing what happened to Ashton Kutcher in The Butterfly Effect.
And honestly, the feeling only worsened with the internet and social media. You know what I mean: we all have hundreds of people popping onto our newsfeeds daily praising the merits of creating your own business, living off the grid in a heavenly landscape, being a 20-something billionaire, or playing Mozart magnificently with a prosthetic hand.
The implication is always the same: what have YOU done lately, Raquel?
Eaten pre-cooked tortellini and watched The House of Dragons?
Yeah, you’ve definitely lost your specialness - if you ever had it to begin with.
When we combine social media with a savage capitalist system, a clear side effect is that we're all incessantly reminded that we're not good enough or special enough unless we're making money or going viral.
Realizing I'll probably never be the Sylvia Path of my generation or anything similar (seems like the spot has been taken by Rupi Kaur), made me feel anguished for a long time. I was dead scared of being average.
After all, like most people from my generation, I grew up believing that striving for success is the answer to being praised and valued. Do it great or don’t do it at all.
But then, at some point in life, a wise and subtle voice whispered something unexpected: "You are not special. You're not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else."
What a wake-up call!
Maybe it's not about being the best or standing out from the crowd. Maybe it's about just being ourselves and accepting that we're all in this together - decaying organic matter and all.
(Don't you just love Fight Club?)
Jokes apart, now even writing this makes me feel embarrassed. What a sense of entitlement, right?! Either way, the TIME said helicopter parents are to blame, so… Mom and Dad, this is actually on you.
But, as they say, no matter where you go, there you are. I've learned my lesson, folks. Being special isn't even that special. It's just a concept that's very overrated these days. Like Sally Rooney and avocado toasts.
For some bizarre reason, we've come to believe that being average equals being a failure - and that's not true. Being average is… the norm. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, but the fact is, most of us are pretty average. It's the extremes who get all the publicity - and those who try very hard to appear that way.
As I'm writing this letter, there are over 7.7 billion people on Earth, and the population will only rise. It has been estimated that by 2100, it will grow to 11.2 billion people (!!)
So tell me: how can someone possibly believe to be cherry-picked by the universe to be the next big thing?
The good news is: you're not special, I'm not special, but we can make life special. If we choose not to take it for granted, life will become special on our terms. The trick is to acknowledge its bland truths without bitterness.
If we accept our averageness, that constant pressure to be amazing and exceptional will be lifted off our backs. The stress and anxiety of feeling insufficient will dissipate. The obsession with one’s self will mutate into going beyond one’s self. The acceptance of our mundane existence will free us and lead us to measure ourselves through healthier standards: the beauty of lifetime friendships, creating something, helping someone in need, laughing with people we love…
But that seems so simple. - said Galadriel
The most important truths often are. - answered Finrod
So let’s just be average and happy, shall we?
🌈Uplifting little things from these last days
Rediscovering how awesome this Björk song is. Adding finger lime to practically every dish - and drink. Visiting my hometown. Rainy days and that earthy petrichor smell. Experiment with mixed-media painting. Cooking for my parents. This article on the “strange” success of The Little Prince. Making ceramic pieces for Halloween. The last grilled sardines of the year. Susan David's quiz on Emotional Agility. Sleeping with a blanket. Finding joy in the mundane moments of life.
happiness is what matters :)