A Year Without a Vacation

FOMO, a little envy, and counting down to a first tooth

These days, the “got any summer trips planned?” question is officially in full rotation.

I’ve been listening with equal parts interest and envy as people lay out their plans, everything from boat charters to three-week road trips through Scandinavia.

But when people ask me, I always pause for a second, because “nowhere” isn’t technically true.

We’re going to Portugal and Italy, which sounds like a very enviable summer until I clarify that we’re visiting our families with a six-month-old baby. Our daughter gets to spend time with her grandparents, and we’ll get to see people we’ve missed for months.

But let's be real: I can’t call it *a vacation*.
It’s just parenting with a different backdrop.

It’s probably the first time in my adult life where I don’t have a proper holiday planned. Of course I miss travelling. But what actually caught me off guard is how much I miss the anticipation of travelling.

I’ve always been the person with 12 browser tabs open at 2 a.m comparing flights (I love you, Skyscanner), saving restaurants, and convincing myself that a lemon-print dress is a completely rational purchase because... 🍋 Sicily🍋.

Holidays became little milestones in the year. Whenever work got stressful or life felt a bit repetitive, I'd find myself thinking about drinking wine outside some tiny French cottage, and somehow that was enough to get me through the day.

It’s nice to have future-you doing something fun. But this year, future-me never really made an appearance.

It's been a strange adjustment because, until now, I've always lived four months ahead in my mind. Lately, I'm barely living beyond today.

Today, the baby needs a bath.

Today, we’ve somehow run out of clean muslins. Again (?!)

Today, if I manage to wash my hair, I'll feel accomplished.

(because this is how I look most days)

I know this season is temporary.
One day we’ll be those annoying people researching family-friendly hotels and planning entire itineraries around nap times. But for now, I find myself feeling a tiny bit of FOMO every time someone says “I can’t wait for my holiday.” (And definitely a tiny bit of envy of those couples taking seven-hour flights with babies and seemingly having the time of their lives) (HOW DO THEY DO THAT!?)

It's not that I desperately want a cocktail by the beach (although I wouldn't mind one). I just miss that specific flavor of anticipation.

Then again, maybe every stage of life comes with its own version of anticipation.

Right now, mine looks less like boarding passes and more like waiting for that first tooth to FINALLY make an appearance.

It’s definitely a smaller, messier kind of summer, but it is still full of things to look forward to.